The Man Behind the Radiation Mask (Written by William in his own words)

I just finished the halfway mark of having my head being zapped daily, so please understand that before reading what I have to say.  That means I’m going on my fourth week of radiation and fourth day of having “What Would the Fox Say” stuck in my head.  My family has learned to deal with me needing naps on the weekend and having the patience of a dictator, so I don’t feel like it’s a whole lot to ask.

I think enough has been written so far about my treatment and what it entails and how it makes me feel.  Those things can be repeated pretty easily.  I guess what’s hard to repeat—and honestly a bit difficult to say the first time—is what this whole ordeal has meant to me mentally and emotionally.

The first morning I spent in my hospital bed, a neurologist came in to talk about my MRI.  At first, he was beating around the bush a little bit.  “We saw some swelling in the brain…”  And after Eda finally beat him into submission by asking him to tell what he actually saw, he finally admitted almost offhandedly, “We think it’s probably a malignant tumor.”

I think it would have been easier to hear the news if he had taken it more seriously.  I always expected that a life-changing event would have a drumroll and an attentive crowd.  But this was just an offhanded comment like people receive this news every day.  Of course, people DO receive this news every day, but each person probably only receives it one time in his or her life.  I still held out hope that when they cut into my head they would find something other than what they did, but we all know how that story went.

Since I got married, and probably before, I always thought of my future in terms of when I retire and what I would do with my kids after college.  I have to accept not only the possibility but the likelihood those were just fantasies.  I was at Mass yesterday looking at Eda holding Audrey and Abigail hugging her knees, and I see my nightmare, which is bowing out of the lives of the people I love most. 

I hope no one ever asks me to read this aloud, because I’m having a hard time writing it.  So I try my best to believe that I’ll beat the odds and annoy everyone for a long, long time to come.

Please help with these things this week, which I feel I need:

1.  Pray for strength in my mental battle against the disease and its potential consequences.  It’s more difficult than I try to let on.

2.  Pray that I overcome my difficulty maintaining patience and find a balance with discipline for my children.

3. Pray that I learn to accept and ask for help when I need it.  I suppose I have a bit of an excuse to show weakness every once in a while.

4. Pray that the Irish do not continue to let me down.   A 41-30 loss in the last game of a huge rivalry?  Really?  It’s more painful than any treatment or symptoms I have.

*Many of you have asked how they can help support the Lewis family.  Here is a list of ideas.  Thank you SO much in advance for your encouragement and love.

Family Picture by Chubby Cheek Photography (Sholanda Chaddock)

  

Daddy and his super girls!

Called in the squad!

Daddy's fighting team!

Daddy and his girls!

Team Spirit!

Daddy's Irish Cheerleaders!

Daddy and Audrey in the sand!

Building Project at Home Depot - Making Memories!